Spoiler alert : The action takes place in Paris. Not Paris Indiana, Virginia or Idaho but Paris, the city right next to Disneyland Paris.

The water is boiling and the bubbles are bubbling. I open the door of the fridge. I grab an egg. I enjoy the coolness of the shell. I close my fingers around it, and something tickles my palm. Are eggs “dead”? Ghosts of chickens that will never be born? Could this one be an oracle, trying to read my future by touching my palm? Fortune or chaos?

2013 : Annular solar eclipse in the South Pacific.

2214 : A new astrophysical theory is being proven : indeed the Universe is much smaller than we thought.

2221 : triple conjunction between Mars and Saturn.

There is something between my skin and the calcium skin of the shell. I take the egg with my right hand, revealing a feather in the palm of my left. An urgency roams under the skull that is my own shell.

Sacra Conversazione (Holy Conversation) 
by Piero della Francesca (1472)

2222 : The First Inuit Pope is elected. His original name is Pauloosie Qulitalik. He now becomes Peter II. By pushing the wrong button, he brings Catholicism to an end. Christians call it a pagan conspiracy. Pagans call it a “Pope art” miracle.

Sacra Conversazione detail

Perhaps the feather is simply a sign that the egg came from a real chicken. A feather somehow got stuck to the egg (with yolk from another, less fortunate egg?), and stayed with it all the way into the carton. In that case, I should take comfort in the knowledge that it doesn’t come from a laboratory.

2426 : Pluto’s second orbit, since its discovery. A Plutonian year lasts 248 terrestrial years. If there were trees on Pluto, flowers would not stop blossoming for 62 consecutive years. In Fall, the surface of the extra solar planet would disappear under a monumental carpet of dead leaves.

The chicken is a bird and a bird has just one orifice. Anal and genital united. Regarding chickens, French uses creepy expressions such as quand les poules auront des dents or avoir la chair de poule, literally meaning when chicken will have teeth and to have the chicken flesh, but more idiomatically translated as pigs might fly and goosebumps. So, if one wanted, one could say When pigs fly, I will have goosebumps, and in the saying, mention chicken twice.

Concetto spaziale, La fine di Dio 
(Spatial Concept, The End of God) 
by Lucio Fontana (1963)

The water is still boiling and the bubbles are still bubbling. I drop the egg in the water, forgetting to look at the expiration date printed in red on the orange shell.

2536 : The quantum super computer called Blue Hal calculates the last digit of Pi, the so-called irrational and transcendental number. Outraged, the scientific community calls it a miscreant mistake, a pale masquerade.

I ask the egg to go away. It comes back to me metamorphosed as a cosmical egg, a symbol of the origins, the past and the future united in one. A story of unity like the anal and the vaginal of the chicken united in one. As we do know the scientific-mythical Big Bang will end in a Big Crunch.

Good news and bad news:

2640 : The audience of St. Pennos Church is listening to the last note of the 639 year long performance of John Cage’s organ work entitled “As Slow As Possible” which began in 2001.

4444 : Man lands on Makemake, one of the largest dwarf planets of the Solar System, discovered in 2005. The first sentence pronounced is not “That’s one small step for (a) man; an even smaller leap for mankind”. Instead the astronaut quotes Marcel Duchamp: “There is no problem because there is no solution”.

Claes Oldenburg, "Fried egg in pan", 1961

6212 : Venus occults Regulus.

6970 : After 5000 years, the time capsule of the 1970 World Fair in Osaka Japan is opened. It was designed as a U.F.O., all curves, volutes, and chrome.

7054 : The year 7053 is skipped to allow the transformation of the Gregorian calendar into the more accurate Leonean calendar, created by Pope Leo LXIX in 2112.

8763 : Walt Disney is cryogenically thawed. He wakes up in a reality that is also a cartoon.

8920 : The first hermaphrodite bisexual robot gives birth to a pseudo-genetically engineered baby. The creature is natural, oviparous, mammal and artificial. Techno-creationists call it the final proof of the Darwin Hoax. The baby’s first words are I don’t think, therefore I am.

9013 : In the cult Z movie The Living Dead from Outer Space (1959) directed by Brian Zardoz, this is the year when the first extraterrestrial message is received on Earth. It turns out that the actual first signal to be received was, coincidentally, pre-recorded and broadcasted from outer space the exact same year as the release of the movie. From 1959 to 9013, it took 7054 years for the radio wave to reach us. The message is short and irreparable like an apocalyptic koan. It simply says Checking to see if you’re not a robot. Please wait.

The more I go in the future, the more it becomes fictional, “metanormal” and “paraphilosophical”. And it reminds me the reason why the theory of the origin of the universe was nicknamed Big Bang as a mockery to such a misconception. The biggest mystery becomes the biggest joke. And a giant laugh both comical and cosmical resonates in the emptiness and infinity of the universe. And an egg filled with antimatter rises at the horizon of our galaxy, the Milky Way™, like an ovoid floating in the void.

The egg is almost ready. The water is still boiling and the bubbles are still bubbling.

Text previously published on Revolving Floor in August 2009

The topic at hand : How do you like your eggs?

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